Lionheart Grief Coaching

If you’ve been in grief for longer than a few months, you might have started hearing phrases like, “moving on,” “moving forward,” and “getting over it.” You may also hear things like, “they would want you to be happy” or “they’re free of pain now.”

What all of these phrases have in common is the person saying them wants you to go back to the you in the Before time. The time when you had everyone you loved with you and didn’t know grief. There will be days in which you will also want that for yourself. As much as that wish comes from a place of love, it is simply not possible. Before You died when your person died. It is a hard truth, but it is the truth.

Integration is accepting this painful reality and working to figure out who you are in the After time. After You may now be a widow/er, bereaved parent, an orphan (at any age), etc… how you move through the world has fundamentally changed. The beliefs you held before may not be the beliefs you hold later, or they may become stronger. Nevertheless, the way you move through your life in the After time will not look like it did in the Before. Your identity has shifted in both dramatic and subtle ways. It will take time to figure out who you are, but embracing your grief, allowing yourself to feel all the emotions as they come to you, is the surest way to find yourself.