Lionheart Grief Coaching

In a recent We Can Do Hard Things podcast episode, Kaitlin Curtice says, “Our healing is directly connected to those who came before and those who will come after.”

Many cultures share an understanding that the “sins of the father” gets passed down through the generations. In practical terms, violence, substance abuse, and absence are some ways in which our parents (and their parents) pass down generational trauma. It can be really easy to pick up where they leave off, especially if we do not expose ourselves to new tools to work through the hurts we have received from the people we are supposed to love and trust the most.

It doesn’t seem fair that it falls to us as individuals to take up the responsibility for breaking the cycle- the work is hard and painful and it can feel impossible at times. However, the alternative is we pass it on to our children, asking them to break the cycle instead – the very same people we say we love the most. 

If passing it on feels horrific, that’s because it is- particularly when we know first hand what it feels like to be that child who is left holding the responsibility adults were supposed to own.

When we decide to be the ones that end it, we have the opportunity to heal ourselves as well as prevent our children and their children from experiencing the same pain we grew up with. We can mend the past and change the future by feeling our pain in the present. 

We cannot prevent our children from experiencing their own griefs- just like your parents could not protect you from the natural heartbreaks and hurts that come from living in an imperfect world. However, we can pay down the debt of our ancestors so our children do not start out in the red.

What that looks like for me is to feel the pain of growing up with two parents who did not have the tools to process their grief, to acknowledge that it deeply wounded me, and to cry all the tears that need to be cried- to name the loss, as well as to understand how grief has impacted me and the way I deal with myself, with others, and the world. It requires me to learn new tools so I can be present and loving to my children even when I am experiencing deep grief. It requires me to model healthy grieving so my kids benefit from the inner work I am doing.

The cycle of generational trauma is only broken when we can process and deal with our grief with courage and love for ourselves.

What does it look like for you to take responsibility for your own healing?