Lionheart Grief Coaching

We’ve all said it. We’re struggling over something and we’re feeling it, but instead of allowing ourselves to sit in the feelings, we remind ourselves that we shouldn’t be complaining. After all, this other person we know (or don’t) is going through something far worse. Right?

What we’re actually doing when we normalize this comparison is participating in a toxic type of gratitude that represses our emotions. The truth is someone is always going through something difficult. Because of this, we may never give ourselves permission to feel. If we can’t feel the hard stuff, can we truly feel the good stuff?

How can we truly feel and understand gratitude when it is used so often to suppress our sadness?

Rejecting the truth that what you’re experiencing is worthy of having true emotions, regardless of your type of grief, creates patterns of repression that impact your mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing.

That doesn’t mean that all griefs are created equal. Of course not. But it does mean that acknowledging your situation and how you feel about it is imperative to integrating your loss and carving your path forward. You must feel it to heal it.

The trick is to connect and reach out to the right people. Not everyone will have the capacity to empathize with you as you process your struggle- they may be in the middle of processing a different grief from you. Try not to take that personally and also refer to my other post called “Where Do You Find Support?” for additional details.

Here is a quick list of Dos and Don’ts:

DO share your struggles with someone who

• is in a relatively good place in their lives
• can acknowledge the difficult season you’re in
• someone you trust

DON’T share your struggles with someone who

• is also struggling with deep grief (unless you’re part of a support group where this is understood and expected). 

Regardless of the source of your grief, naming it and owning the feelings that come up is an important and necessary process.