Lionheart Grief Coaching

I attended the funeral of a high school friend last year and the eulogy was given by a pastor. In his talk, he looked at my friend’s mom and told her she didn’t need to cry anymore- on the day of her son’s funeral as she sat looking at him in his casket. I was floored by the directive and rage bubbled up in me. It was all I could do to sit in my chair and not scream at this man, who I’m sure had the best of intentions, but was inadvertently harming everyone who listened to his rationale.

Even as I sat there knowing what he was saying was horrifically wrong, I still had to process what I was hearing and actively reject it. For some of the people around me, this was probably a very normal thing for them to both hear and believe. They took it in and they nodded agreement.

This is what our society tells us is normal, but resisting grief is the opposite of normal and it’s making us physically and mentally sick..

When we resist our grief, we aren’t getting rid of it. It just finds new ways to be felt. Social and/or generalized anxiety is common. Unfelt and unprocessed grief can morph in depression and stress. Research shows that stress and anxiety lowers our immune system’s response, causing us to become sick more frequently. So, our resistance to feeling our pain creates more pain and suffering. It’s a cycle we can’t seem to shake.

What if we stopped listening to society and cried until we fell asleep from exhaustion? What if when people asked us, “how are you?” we were honest? I think, perhaps, then we would truly begin to live.

From experience, I know the circle of friends and family thins when we do this, but I can honestly say living in my authentic skin even, when that reality is difficult, is a freedom I wish for everyone.