Lionheart Grief Coaching

You’re not responsible for making your grief tolerable to other people.

I know- it sounds radical, but how people feel about your grief is not your responsibility to manage. You have enough on your plate just moving through your grief. Don’t add comforting others to the list.

You need people around you who can be present for you without asking you to help them regulate their emotions.

What you do need:

1. People who don’t try to process their grief about your loss with you. This goes back to the Ring Theory- your support system derives their support from others, not you.
2. People who understand you’re different now and are accepting of whoever you become now that you are grieving your loved one.
3. People who know that there are no words to make it better and don’t try.
4. People who let you say the names of the ones you miss and tell their stories.

If there are people in your life who want to help, but are struggling with any of the above, give yourself permission to create some distance- it doesn’t have to be forever and it doesn’t have to be cruel, but it’s ok to let them know you appreciate them and you need some time to take care of yourself.

Lastly, I know it can be really disappointing when people in your life that you expected to be there for you can’t be. Either they were never taught or they have other significant issues in their life keeping them from being fully available. That can hurt deeply. Give yourself permission to feel hurt, but keep an eye out for help that comes from unlikely places, too. It is sometimes the people we know on the periphery that have the most kindness, compassion, and wisdom to offer when people closest to us are unavailable.